I've had a lifelong friend who is part of a family in which everything happens FAST. These are terrific people but their lives are like a speeding bullet. I have set my cellphone ring for this friend to the train whistle. There is no such thing as, "We'll think about it," with these folks.
For example, her dad was feeling tired, listless and sleeping all day. The very next day after his checkup, he was having a triple bypass and getting a pacemaker.
Her sister needed to lose 10 pounds to get into a special dress. No diet for her, she fasts and loses it all in one week.
The oldest son and his wife were having marital problems and suddenly I get a postcard from Vegas. Scribbled on the back, "We're here getting a divorce, but hey, we might get married again. See ya!" Huh? I reread it three times.
"Let's meet sometime for some really great Chinese food," I comment one afternoon. "Okay, I'll pick you up at 6!" my friend replies.
Another friend decided to go to a job fair being held at a car dealership that was going to open the following month. She showed up at the right time and was the only one in the construction trailer waiting for the HR person to arrive. After waiting 30 minutes and wondering why she was the only one and getting peeved, she looked up at the poster, it said, "Join us at our job fair at The Westford Regency Hotel."
A guy I know is a bit, well, a bit spacey. He parked his car in downtown Groton all day the other day with the windows open. He didn't realize that there were sprinklers already on and when he got back to his car at 5 o'clock, the inside of his car had three inches of water.
Another gal pal I see occasionally likes to talk about her multitasking prowess. While driving or when stopped at a red light, she moisturizes her hands, puts on her eye makeup and yaks on her cellphone. The other day she overdid the moisturizer and when she grabbed her cell it slipped out of her hand, fell out of her car window and got run over by her back tires.
I have a friend who is always late and always in a hurry because she is a serial procrastinator. She does everything at the very last moment. She was grocery shopping the other day and was so preoccupied talking on her cellphone that somewhere along the way she grabbed the wrong cart.
Getting to the checkout line she began putting her groceries on the counter and realized her mistake. Suddenly the loudspeaker announced, "Whoever took Mrs. Morgan's groceries, please return them at the courtesy desk." My friend was so embarrassed, she ran out of the store, leaving her purse in the carriage. Four minutes later the cellphone in her pocket rings and it's the store, "We have your purse Janet, we will hold it for you at the courtesy desk."
Someone at church has a 6-year-old son who is absolutely adorable. The other day the lesson was from Isaiah and he heard only part of the verse from chapter 40 (verse 31), "But they that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength ..."
Driving home after that sermon the boy asked his mom, "Did Jesus ever have to go on a diet?" His mom turned around and looked at him in the back seat, "Why do you ask that honey?"
"Well, today in church the pastor mentioned 'weight on the Lord' so I figured maybe he had to go on diet like you and auntie Karen."
His dad had to pull over to the side of the road as his tears of laughter ran uncontrollably.