Yearly checkups are always discouraging, at least for me. Before you see the doctor, a nurse asks you to step on the scale. This year I wore my lightest outfit. Then she said cheerfully, "Good news, you've lost two pounds. Then she said, "Oh, I see you had your gallbladder removed last year, that probably had something to do with it."
I jumped off the scale as she told me the really bad news, I weighed more than I ever had in my life (I must have forgotten what I weighed last year), and that I was one-quarter inch shorter.
The doctor wasted no time in telling me that I had to do something about my weight, I watched her type "overweight" on my chart.
We discussed what I ate, nutrition, what I did for exercise -- everything. She said, "It seems you're doing pretty well in those areas but you need more help with your weight." She is a size 4.
And then she said the two most dreaded words in the English language: Weight Watchers.
I decided then and there that I was going to get serious about dropping 25 pounds and I wasn't going to do it with Weight Watchers. I saw Betty on Mad Men and I know what she went through.
I got home and emailed an SOS to everyone with whom I play tennis, begging people to help me play five mornings a week. Then I decided to join a strength training class even though I hate being indoors and I am not a group person.
I talked to an expert about colon cleansing and a friend who had done it who said he had jump-started
Then a quirky thing crossed my desk when I was researching caffeine and its power to help boost your metabolism. Suddenly I thought about giving up chocolate for the whole year and the Jetsons crossed my mind. That cartoon family who would take a pill and get everything they needed without having to eat the actual food. Why don't they make a chocolate pill, I wondered; something that would dissolve in my stomach and make me actually feels like I ate a chocolate bar.
Then I discovered something even better: Le Whif, an atomizer that lets you breathe in chocolate, no calories and all the joys of chocolate. Le Whif is made by the same people who created the caffeine and B-vitamin inhaler called the Aeroshot; both the brainchild of Harvard professor David Edwards of ArtScience labs. He is also a pioneer in aerosol insulin and inventive vaccine delivery. This was better than the Jetsons!
I orderd a year's supply of both, imagine the possibilities. Next time I'm in the cineplex, these beauties will be in my purse.
The FDA is wondering if they have to put age restrictions on the use of the AeroShot -- seems they are afraid of overuse.
I'm contacting Professor Edwards and suggesting Le Wine, an inhaler with no alcohol or calories and yet all the flavor and satisfaction of a glass of Pino Noir enjoyed just by inhaling a few puffs. Sign me up.
You know, this is the first time ever that I am thrilled to be over 21.